My boyfriend is 20 years old and I am 21. We have been together more than a year now. I am totally in love with him and he tells me the same. I changed a lot since we have been a couple. I don't meet my friends a lot neither do I talk to a lot of people because I get along so well with my boyfriend. And we did have our first sexual contact, I was very happy. So was he. My mom is very fond of him though she told me that he is together with me for money reasons. She also told me that he had some kind of relationship with a 29 year old woman. His mom treats me in a "very special way". Give me some advice whether this relationship is good for me or not. Another thing is that I am not quite sure whether I am pregnant or not.

Respecting the order of priority, your main problem is whether you are pregnant or not because this will be determining you life. To find out you can simply buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy. It is easy to do and you can do it on your own. It won't cost you a lot either. They sell it without requiring a medical prescription. They work with a urine sample. Women that are pregnant liberate a certain hormone in the urine that will be detected by reagents of the test. The most common types of pregnancy test come with the instructions. Mostly it works either by applying a drop of your urine where it is indicated and it will tell you shortly after whether you are pregnant or not. The other type contains a reagent paper strip you put into the urine and it will tell you.

If you are not pregnant, I hope this experience teaches you to take all the precautions with your current or future partners to prevent pregnancy. I am not to tell you whether to have sexual relationships or not because this is a decision only you can make but to give you advice and orientation. Think well about it before you do it again because every single time you agree to sex, you play with your future.

I understand your wish to express yourself sexually. This is natural, especially when being with a loving partner. Nevertheless, you have already spent a year together but are both very young and still have all your life ahead of you and a pregnancy could confront you with a new responsibility.

If you are pregnant, face this reality according your principles, your personal situation, your environment, your family, your responsibilities as a person and your beliefs. Neither can I tell you what to do at this point but give you the best advice possible, telling you to take good care of yourself, that you face the things as they are and don't hide the fact that you are pregnant in front of your family because this way you would cause harm to you and the baby growing inside you.

There is a question regarding this aspect in the book "Love's Book" that you can also find at this website. Read the question anyway, no matter if you are pregnant or not. It may be useful.

And now I will talk about the affectionate side.

Don't ever draw conclusions on what others tell you. And that includes also your family, friends and mates. Nothing of what they tell you is valid as long as you don't feel, observe or suffer anything like that, any bad treatment, emotional or physical distance, evasion or lack of affection towards you.

If you love him and feel that this love for him is given back to you, then you are a couple and nothing and nobody will separate you unless one of you decides to break up.

There is one particular thing about your email: when you refer to his mom, you indicate that she treats you in a "very special way". It does mean that she doesn't accept you at all or that she plays against you.

This results normally in the mothers that have adolescent sons. I have experienced it myself. My mother judged every single one of my girlfriends and, obviously, there was never one girl that corresponded to the demands she had. But behind this maternal jealousy there is the pain that she feels, seeing that someone feels love for her son and she feels simply left out.

It is obvious that you are in love with him. But be careful because the relationship he has with that older woman or that you mom believes he has, has two interpretations: either your boyfriend really does go two-track and dates this woman because she, being older and more experienced, has seduced him or, your mom keeps telling you that because she wants to protect you or even keep you away from him.

The only logic thing to do is to broach this matter directly. You have told me that you both are communicating well with each other. Then talk to him, ask him in a very delicate way. Seek for the adequate moment and ask him straight about this woman. Don't be afraid. You shouldn't be because you have to learn to face the realities of life, as difficult as they may seem but you will suffer less. Because the doubts and questions we have regarding the person we love, do affect us, even our health and relationships with friends and other people, as you are experiencing it now.

I understand you and the situation that you are in. But you have to face it because in your future it will be very valuable. Facing the realities is an experience, sometimes hard and painful but it makes us strong.

Now there are three things for you to do:
1. Find out whether you are pregnant or not. Do it soon.
2. Talk to your partner and ask him about everything you have doubts about without leaving anything out. Here the situation with him will be consolidated and you will have the reasons to evaluate your relationship with him and to either decide to keep going or finish.
3. Whatever is the outcome of all that, regarding to the previous points, return to your social life, saying that you should rejoin with your friends, do things together with them or search for new friends to be with and above all, share with your family. You are way too young to isolate yourself for someone you love because you don't know whether that will be the love for a lifetime or simply for a stage of your life.

Asked by a girl from Mexico.
She wrote a second time after her first e mail telling that she was pregnant.

It has been a pleasure to read your e mail and to share your happiness. But keep being careful with your dependency. At your age it is all too easy to become dependent on someone you love.

Keep these levels of harmony and balance and don't ever loose control of the situations. Don't be simply and always carried away by you impulsivity. You are very young and should think about your future because it is only you that will vigil over the things that lay ahead.

Be considerate with your partner but keep your level of independency and autonomy. It will help increasing you self esteem and growing as a person and it will give you strength to face any disappointment we all experience in our lives.