A welcome by the author
   Couple relationships
   Introduction of the topic "Teen relationships"
   We were all teenagers once
   A helpful manual for you
   The links of love
   Pre-relationships
   Formal relationships
   Nobody gets into a relationship with somebody that is disliked
   There are no obligatory categories of relationships
   Hidden loving expressions in grandma's times
   Today there is more acceptance
   A parental contradiction
   Answers that a lot of parentes don't provide
   Index of the Questions

A welcome by the author

  This fascinating world of communication allows me to get to you easily, presenting you a book that I think will helpful in facing your adolescence.

  And I don't have any doubts that its content will also be useful for any parents, professionals, teachers and adults in general that are responsible for pre-adolescents or adolescents.

Couple relationships

  The main focus of my book is the teen relationships, their meaning and importance and how they should be faced.

  On the base of my own life and personal experiences I have plunged and summarized observations and more than a hundred hours talking and interviewing young people between 10 and 20 years of age, adults of both sexes in their condition as parents, teachers, academics, psychologists, counsellors, medicals and spiritual guides of various beliefs and religions.

  The result after a raging process is this book I offer you as follows. It is a useful text written in an easy to understand way using a direct and personal language. I utilized the question and answer method that allows you to select and read whatever you are interested in, in a short time and directly via your PC.

  You also have the possibility to freely download the entire book as the norms of this Portal stipulate it.

Introduction of the topic "Teen relationships"

  Every human being has gone through the stage of puberty or teenage years in which you are living now. At every stage of history, men and women face this period, without exception. It is a stage that is characterized by deep changes that cause many questions, weariness and uncertainties bringing along feelings of happiness, disagreements, instability, joy or sadness.

We were all teenagers once

  Teenagers were your parents and grandparents, your teachers, men and women who rule nations, the great statesmen and philosophers, the monarchs and princess, the scientists, the thinkers, main composers and painters, artists, singers and musicians, the preachers and the pastors, the rich and the humble, the weak and the powerful ones. Absolutely everyone had to live their period of sexual maturity, they all had to cross the threshold from childhood to the adult age - and this transition is called puberty.

  That is the way it has been arranged by nature. No one and nothing can prevent it because it does not depend on a human act of willingness but on the own natural evolution of our human system.

A helpful manual for you

  This text has been written in an easy to understand way, it is the product of personal experiences and it is based upon observations and conversations with many young people like you.

  Its main goal is to give you an insight, through the Q & A (Question & Answer) method, covering many aspects that arise from the many questions you have at this stage of life. It has been structured like a handbook or a guide which I believe will be helpful for the natural relationships many young people like you experience during this period. It also works as a reference to help you manage your behaviour and your attitudes towards the people that surround you though it does not mean that you must do exactly how it is written down in this book. Take it and apply it according to your own particular circumstances and the way you see things today.

The links of love

  The entire book deals with teenage relationships because the mutual commitment between two teenagers of the opposite sex that is built through teenage years is universal. This does not prompt an exclusive concept, because it may vary according to the language that you use with friends, considering the place or region where you live and thus, each liaison that is built between persons of different sex at this stage of human life has its individual features.

Pre-relationships

  In dialogs with people of your age, it became evident that before a couple relationship takes place, there are many stages that we prefer to label as Pre-relationships. Among various ones there are two that appear with certain boundaries. The first one is sporadic, circumstantial and it lacks commitment and responsibilities, up to the point of lasting just few hours. It is generally created upon a party, a ride or some meeting arranged by organizations to which you belong or get invited. The second one is a little bit more lasting, but there is also the absence of commitment and mutual reliabilities and although there is some degree of attraction, there is a non spoken agreement to put an end to the liaison at any moment before emotional damage is provoked.

  This means you can freely get involved in the first type of relationship once and again, with people you got to know through parties or other situations and then carry on with your own life without putting an extra meaning into the relationship. No one can raise an objection to this. In case of the second type, you can get sentimentally involved with someone for a few days, weeks or months, without necessarily agreeing to a commitment of seeing each other regularly though this relationship often implies the expectation that there is no sentimental liaison kept with another person in a parallel way.

Formal relationships

  Once the two categories of pre-relationships are passed through, the liaison of a couple as such during teenage years is located at a level of bigger formality, commitment and responsibility. When two people get together in a formal way, the non-written code of youth relationships means that they must stay away from the categories of pre-relationships - at least as long as the formal relationship lasts.

  As reality has proved the previous categories have always been present in the history of mankind in various ways and this book aims to be valid for al those who have not yet engaged in a formal relationship but have gone through the previous stages. Regardless to the moment you are entering puberty, during this period of life there will always be a couple relationship, a link with someone of the opposite sex, a degree of attraction for someone, no matter how brief or circumstantial it may be.

Nobody gets into a relationship with somebody that is disliked

  It is clear that nobody gets into the mentioned categories with someone that is disliked. For example, nobody will go to a party and get in touch intimately with anyone passing by. There is always a first encounter, some sort of an approach, levels of communication where there is a sign waiting for an answer. Is it a good one, you get into a Pre-relationship. If there is a negative answer or even none at all, everything finishes there.

There are no obligatory categories of relationships

  You can agree to a formal relationship at any moment of your pre-relationship. But this is not a mandatory condition. A teenager like you may as well not have any sort of pre-relationship but get into a formal relationship right away. In other words none of the categories is an obligation at your age. You are free to decide. A young person may finish a formal relationship and go back to the level of pre-relationships and then again start another relationship in a formal way with another suitable person.

Hidden loving expressions in grandma's times

  When the past is analyzed from the viewpoint of today's couple relationships between young adolescents, it happens to be that the kiss or the passionate hug given between our grandparents, often secretly out of sight of their parents, never meant a formal relationship but a pre-relationship, getting the most out of a circumstance, sneaking away to see the partner. Though looking at it closely, obviously there was also a degree of communication or agreement to meet and to get to know each other.

  Even though they had less freedom to do so, our grandparents as well as our parents kissed and embraced each other. Caresses that opened a pre-relationship and when their age allowed it and authorization was given by their parents, they proceeded to a formal relationship where they then did all the things you can now do with your chosen one - maybe less frequently than you are able to do now but with the same passion.

  That is why former couple relationships during teenage years have always been very similar or practically the same that they are now. As time went by, some labels, the meeting places of those who love each other, the ways of communication, the manners and customs have changed. But the attraction between people of the opposite sex has always remained the same.

Today there is more acceptance

  Indubitable, for reasons of today's upbringing and culture, most parents accept couple relationships as something normal, although there are societies that, depending on the ancestry and culture, only allow one pre-marital relationship during the stage of adolescence that already has the character of a definite lifetime commitment.

  Besides, the increasing population and the entailed growth of the cities allow a more direct contact between male and female teenagers. The evolution of the educational system tends to open up schools for both sexes. This allows an interaction between girls and boys at an early age, for instance in kindergarten.

A parental contradiction

  Commonly some parents have a positive attitude towards the fact that their children get in touch with others of the opposite sex at this childhood but suddenly, when they are teenagers, they reject or forbid them to carry on a sentimental relationship, which is simply the natural outcome of puberty. This is a source of conflicts between parents and children that can reach very alarming levels of emotional unbalance with considerable consequences for the teenagers. For the effected ones, those restrictions have a more intense meaning than others, because they are linked to feelings that are new as well as deep and related to emotions that influence the process of sexual maturity.

Answers that a lot of parentes don't provide

  For all that has been explained, this book aims to dive deeply into the subject of couple relationships of the teenage years, covering whatever categories may result from it, giving answers that many parents and teachers do not dare to give because they are afraid of facing the many questions that their kids and students come up with on this stage of their lives.

  It is our wish that the main character of the following pages may be useful to you.

  But this is also written for parents, teachers and counsellors who may find a way of communication with their sons and students through the following pages.

Manuel Fuentes Wendling